A bisexual freaks out a little.
Let’s be honest, it was only a matter of time before I went to a rally. I think I may just be a little too passionate and a little too politically minded to spend my life sitting at home and not standing up for what I believe in. My parents wish I would chill.
It case you aren’t aware, same-sex marriage is not yet legal in Australia. Which is more than a little bit dumb and unfair. Many of my friends would disagree. A lot of them think that being gay is a choice and that marriage is a sacred thing between a man and a woman. They were raised to believe that, and I suppose since they aren’t opposing gay marriage in the streets with little signs I should probably be content with that. They are my friends, and I love them, even if we don’t agree.
Since starting university though, and meeting people outside the community of my conservative Christian high school, I have felt far more comfortable being myself. I’m bisexual. I just said that. On the internet. There are the words, written down for the first time since I scrawled them in my journal and pasted coloured paper over them so that no one could see them. For somebody is is 100% for people unapologetically being themselves, I am 100% for me being what I think other people want me to be. I’ve come out to a couple of fellow LGBT+ people that I have met in my first semester of uni, but the only person that I knew 6 months ago who knows now is my amazing boyfriend of two years. And he worked it out for himself.
Being bisexual is particularly scary for me when it comes to my amigos because I know that they’ll think that it’s a choice. Especially because I have a boyfriend. I have to be straight right. For a very long time, I thought that I was. I thought that when I adored female characters I wanted to be them. Spoiler: I didn’t. Everyone I knew was straight or at least said they were, in my small little world. I didn’t want to be the outlier. Especially in an environment that would not be pleasant for an LGBT+ person. People for the last couple of years thought I was playing gay a little for the LOLZ but I was just being myself. If you say something astoundingly bisexual and laugh after it people will just assume that you’re kidding.
Being at university brought me the opportunity to go to my first marriage equality rally and it wasn’t until a few days before it that I remembered that no one knows. I wore black jeans and a dark shirt because, honestly, a part of me thought that I might see someone that I know protesting the rally. No one protested the rally. But the fear was there.
I know people who think that “love the sinner hate the sin” is reassuring. That they’ll love you but just hate a fundamental part of you, and I’m not okay with that. I don’t think that that’s possible. Those words stung. Every homophobic remark or anti LGBT+ comment hurt, and for so long I didn’t even realise why. I’m the ‘B’ in that group that you’re saying shouldn’t be allowed to marry a same-sex partner, or have children, or have proper sex education. The ‘B’ was sitting at the table with them, too afraid to put the label on myself because I was scared of losing everyone that I care about. That’s probably not giving enough credit to my friends. They are kind and wonderful people, I love them deeply, and bless their hearts they do try. I’ve seen so much growth. Just not enough to feel secure.
Marching down the street surrounded by rainbows I felt that I was finally with people like me, and it was marvellous.