I’m an adult. Apparently. Somebody, somewhere, at some point in history, decided that being 18 makes me an adult. I guess I’m lucky I missed the ‘married-with-children-at-14-before-dying-of-the-common-cold’ window, but I’m still disillusioned.
Studying to be an educator has taught me one thing: we are putting bigger children in front of smaller children and hoping that the smaller ones turn into fully functioning humans within a few years because somebody taught them how to find the area of a triangle. This is a big joke. I am a big joke. Is anything real? What is the meaning of life? Why does looking at yoghurt make me feel weird?
Almost nothing has changed since I turned 18. I now have to give the government like $40 in taxes because I make no money, and I get to vote in a bullshit postal plebiscite on marriage equality. What a life.
I’m not even taking advantage of the fact that people expect my demographic to party. I get brunch once a week and go to the fricking library. A few weeks ago I got a 30 cent fine. That’s as wild as my life gets.
So what makes me an adult?
Is it just, like how many days you’ve been breathing because I don’t think that’s fair. Your body does that for you. Just because my heart has been beating for longer than someone else’s doesn’t make me more educated or more capable.
OH MY GOD. Is life like a video game? Like, with each year you get more XP and level up and then at 18 you, like, unlock all of the things. Then you get to go wild for like 5 years and then you just have to grind until you die. Well, that train of thought made me feel better.
Humans are weird. We create all of these rules that don’t really exist or come from anywhere. Don’t get me wrong I’m glad that society exists and doesn’t, you know, completely collapse, but where do some of them come from? It’s so odd.
We follow them too. Like one person was like “marriage is like a dude and a chick” and now people are like “THIS CONCEPT IS SACRED AND MUST BE PROTECTED GET YOUR FILTHY MITTS OFF MY ABSTRACT CEREMONIAL RITUAL THAT INVOLVES HAVING A NIGHT TO CELEBRATE YOUR FREEDOM ONE LAST TIME LIKE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU THIS IS ABOUT COMMITMENT AND LOVE LIKE WHY ARE YOU SAD AND WEIRDLY YOU SHOULD HAVE SOMETHING BLUE ON YOU SO THAT EVERYTHING DOESN’T GO TO SHIT OH NO HE SAW YOU IN THE DRESS NOW NANCY IS GOING TO GET PLASTERED AND SIT ON THE CAKE RICHARD”.
Full disclosure I have no idea what that was and I think that it’s for the best if we never talk about this again.
So, yeah, like most of society’s rules I don’t understand adulthood. In three years they’re putting me in charge of the future of the world (Children. I’ll be teaching children. I’m not becoming President of the world. That’s a good idea actually. President Tara: Dabbing since it stopped being cool.) and I am literally still a child, except that people say that I’m an adult. I am not eloquent expressing my point but when do I ever.
People my age are getting married. They’re having sex. Actually, that’s pretty normal, I am just not doing that so it seems very mature (though I presume it’s mostly just messy?). They understand taxes. I still don’t understand how tax returns work. Why are they returning our tax? Don’t they, like, need that? For things??
Anyway, I am 1000% convinced that adulthood is a scam and a myth so let’s never call me an adult okay. I’m just a jumbo-sized child human. Thanks and good night to all of you people that don’t read my blog (and those that do, but like who are you and why are you here?).