uni lectures are pointless 

These are the notes that I took in my history lecture that I made the mistake of going to at 3 on a Friday. My wonderful lecturer Barry Bones (that is clearly not his name) sucked up a precious hour of my life.

Barry’s favourite number is 7!

Orange is Barry’s favourite colour!

Barry doesn’t know the difference between a simile and a metaphor!

Tacitus – coming from a small world, the world of the Europeans was much larger to his mind.

Barry has experience staying in bush houses, kangaroos!

Barry is cool with manslaughter.

Also, Barry did basic French, he likes to point that out.

Rolling dice?? Oh, he means question words. This is silly.

Apparently why and how are the same thing?

We should be able to pick up inferences of these things based on these question words. That’s his point.

Group 21 are a bunch of teacher’s pets. Good for them. Glad Blaine has their life together. I don’t.

Maths? Parabolas? I don’t understand. Adrian and his ‘classy’ maths.

Barry can’t speak. Matt-rices.

Circus hoops?

MORE DICE!!!

OOOOO the instigator’s perspective. That’s a good point Barry. I’ll do that.

Barry is a dick to people with bad eyesight.

JUGGLING SKILLS. He was in the circus.

Practice = improvement = cool to talk to at parties

It has been 20 minutes and we’re still in the padlets.

“LMS has been very slow all day”- Jo

Shout out to Rachel for being active in the padlet.

Padlet is beautiful and so are you.

ALEX! You go, write that post.

Is this a lecture? Literally, this is the worst use of 27 minutes.

BLAINE again with the great concepts. Is Blaine a female? Why are you assuming Ass Professor Barry Bones?

That super angry guy from the first week 6 reading is angry. You already knew this.

HOLY CRAP WE ARE FINALLY MOVING ON.

The chair tried to eat my cardigan.

WE ARE SPLIT 3 WAYS ON A POLL. THIS IS WILD.

Glats-bru-rary. Wow. Who pays this man.

Barry keeps secrets.

Arthur = BAZZA

Even if you’re wrong Barry doesn’t want you to FEEL like you are. Nice guy Barry Bones.

Barry doesn’t let Jo finish, proceeds to tell us how Jo feels.

Please don’t write a textbook, Barry.

A guy walked out, take me with you.

“You might not want to be a historian, you might want to be a something else” – Barry Bones 2017.

Syria would have picked A. This is significant?

The lecture is now starting properly. 38 MINUTES INTO THE LECTURE GOSH DANG.

Pre-Padlet Powerpoint (PPP)

Gildas was welsh Scottish, wrote in Latin. You know this. You were just in a tutorial, why are you here?

THE FONT IS SO SMALL ON THE POWERPOINT. I am blind. This is rude.

Barry’s holiday photo slideshow.

Another source?! Wild.

Jordanes – Gothic history, preserves lost history the plagiarising bastard. All I’m gathering is plagiarism is the real hero.

Ambrosius Aurelianus returns. Is he Arthur? Arthur’s evil twin?

Draw that bow real far Barry, keep the Roman thing going.

TEN MINUTES. Now for the bridging.

Jumping around is not something new Barry. We are used to it. It’s your MO.

Oh another map that I CAN’T SEE. BRILLIANT.

Modern Celtic Migrations. Cool. Moving on again.

Ogham Stone. 5th century. Bad Latin for stupid people. I think someone just gagged in Shep. It happened again. Help.

Tall things written to address God. That’s pretty cool man.

5 Mins Barry.

I’m packing up.

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shrill – notes on some notes from a loud woman 

A kind of review (but mostly just me gushing).

Shrill – Notes from a loud woman by Lindy West         4.75 stars

I am in love with Lindy West after my 288-page journey with her. Her work was not something that I was familiar with but ‘Shrill’ seemed to fit the brand of funny, feminist memoir that I adore, so, I picked it up on a whim when I stumbled across it at the library. From the very first page, I knew that I was going to have a good time. I read this book in almost one session. I devoured it.

Lindy had that kind of voice that feels friendly and familiar. She writes like a real person and she doesn’t hold back. This makes all of the essays flow. It feels like you’re having a conversation, that she is sharing her thoughts, feelings and experiences with you personally.

Personally, I found Lindy very relatable. I’ve experienced much of the same body confidence issues and reading about somebody else, who has felt the same way and overcome it, really helped to push me in my own journey to self-acceptance. I mean, I have quite a ways to go, but every little bit helps.

This is a book that I would love to give to so many of the people that I went to high school with because it tackles feminist topics that are more approachable with anecdotal evidence. From rape jokes to abortion and treating people like human beings. I want to throw this book at some people but they’d probably go “HA feminazi pig get memed”, so, it wouldn’t be worth it. Or would it?

I loved that Lindy was constantly reminding the reader to consider their own voice and the changes that they can make by speaking up. There were times in the last few years where I was made to feel like I should remain silent and that my opinions were invalid and annoying. Lindy reminded me of the importance of making my voice heard, and I thank her for that.

Seriously, pick up this book. Give it a go. I’d summarise and quote but you should just go and read it for yourself.

 

welcome to me freaking out about ‘the walking dead’ #6

‘Rock in the Road’ and ‘New Best Friends’.

Okay, guys, I was on a cruise to Tasmania when season 7B premiered so this post is late even though I wanted to be really on the ball this time around. Sorry ’bout it.

My favourite show is back! Rick and the gang. My little nuggets. Taking on the zombie apocalypse one day at a time.

I’m mostly going to talk about ‘New Best Friends’ because that episode had me shook fam. They were hopeful again. Rick and his little “look at all of these people who aren’t saviours pointing weapons at my face” smile. These new people seem very cool. I don’t know why they talk like people who are forgetting how to formulate a proper sentence or the mysterious expositionary character from a fantasy novel. They can keep it though. Along with their #fashion looks. What a badass little squad. Now all they need are some showers. That zombie with the spikes, though, wowza, I would not have wanted to be the one who created that killing machine.

King Ezekiel is such a cool dude. I kind of get the impression that he was a pre-school teacher before, you know, all the dead people. He should be reading me a picture book before bed each night. I think I’m losing it. It is very late at night and I am tired.

Tara has become one of my favourite characters. Not because she has the same name as me, ya hear me, Janet, she just seems like the most realistic and relatable character. She is also very funny. We must be related. Get it, because this recap has made you chuckle audibly so many times already. Don’t worry, I do have a day job.

Carol is my favourite and I just want to let her read her book by the fire imagining all of her friends alive, safe and eating fresh, baked goods. Daryl is everything when it comes to being protective of Carol, I can relate. I just wish the writers would make a decision on the two of them and run with it, it’s not like they have a comic book storyline to ignore when it comes to the badass kiddos.

I’m excited to see where things go. All of the groups may team up to take out the saviours but what the hell happens after that. They just ignore each other. Who will take on the role of powerful assholes? Rick and his group? The forest lesbians? Who knows? Not me and probably not the writers. Ha.

I’m going to let you all return to your lives now. Thanks for wasting the few moments it took you to not read this. Much love.

 

weird things customers have said in my bookshop #5

This time you get 3 for the price of 1. That price is free, this is WordPress.

This completely average looking woman was flicking through a Superfood Cookbook, standing in front of the bay where we show all of the cookbooks. She gets my attention, and I ask if she needs anything and she responds:

“Yeah, just a question.”

“Go for it.”

“Where are the cookbooks?”

I pause for a moment before gesturing directly in front of her, “They’re all just here.”

“Oh, thanks so much.”

What?

Somebody else returned a copy of a completely read book. The spine wasn’t broken so company policy says that we must give a refund. I died of grumpiness that day.

There is nothing better at Christmas time than stupid, asshole kids being little freakin’ assholes. Swagging in with their Macca’s $1 slushies and going, “Do you have books with pages in them?” 5 freaking minutes before closing. Dammit.

 

welcome to me freaking out about ‘the walking dead’ #5

What the frick am I supposed to do until February? 

This episode was super wild my friend. “Hearts Still Beating” left my heart completely stationary. I feel like I’m being constantly attacked by this show if I’m being honest. It seems a little unfair.

When they teased the ‘bury your gays’ trope again with Aaron I was like, ‘Nah man, don’t play that game. I will be displeased.” And then he was okay. AND THEN they just straight up beat him, over and over again. What did that poor man ever do to anyone? His character is very similar to Glenn’s in their shared driving factors. He makes me miss Glenn.

When they killed Whiter Than Sour Cream TM, I was actually happy for once. Like that guy just never did anything good, only out for himself, I don’t play games with folks like that and so I don’t appreciate watching my faves play games with folks like that. *Googles character name so I can cease being super vague* Spencer! Freaking Spencer. Hate that guy. When Negan did the whole, “Oh there are your guts” thing I was like “OHHHHHHHHHH GET REKT SPENCER YOU TINY DONGED SPINELESS MOFO, TRYNA COME AT RICK BUT YA TOO COWARDLY GOT YOUR GUTS ON DA FLOOR.”

Negan makes this show so much better. But then Rosita with the bullet, I was like “Nah fam, not over Mr. Double Ply.” The hoe didn’t listen and went and done it anyway. Sigh. So the useless trade was made. Daryl breaks out and Eugene was taken in.

Plus what is with this show and killing the people who haven’t really done anything ever to anyone. It’s a little unfair.

At the end, when they did the rousing speech. Heck yeah, we’re gonna fight. That’ll be a good half season. All of them looking at each other and talking with their eyes. Enid and Carl worry me because kissing a Grimes is like accepting a death sentence.

What I don’t understand is that The Saviours are clearly gathering enough supplies from other groups to not have to work themselves other than collecting. If that is the case then they must be collecting from more than just the groups we have met so far. How have we not seen them? Have these characters been driving super far every time they go somewhere for the last 3 seasons? It has to be close enough for people to travel on foot to locations. A group rebellion should not be that far out of reach or difficult to orchestrate.

Please talk to me about this show. I have no real friends and as a result, no one to scream at about this show.

this week in celebrity entitlement.

Jennifer Lawrence tries to make disrespectful behavior a #relatable anecdote. 

I watched this video last night right before bed. I wish I hadn’t. Why, J-Law? Why?

It just drives me crazy that she could consider the cultural and religious views of the Hawaiian people to be a silly thing that she can ignore in order to satisfy her desire to scratch her wetsuit-clad butt. Oh, Jen, there is this wonderful thing that my good friend Aretha Franklin introduced me to, it’s called respect. You should try it.

Look I get it. She is telling a funny story, she is trying to be the funny relatable celebrity so that her fans will go, “OMG J-Law gets an itchy butt too? We’re basically twins.” I feel like she still could have just scratched her ass herself rather than using, what she knew at the time to be, sacred rocks.

When she says, “Ancestors or something,” my eyes rolled entirely out of my head at her reluctance to even learn a little bit of information about the area that she was filming in. Honestly, people make mistakes, who knows, I myself may have behaved inappropriately around sacred rocks in my own time, but I have not known, nor would I make the beliefs of a group of people a punch line to my joke.

Her flippancy about the fact that her actions endangered the crew on set because, come on, she’s Jennifer Lawrence, the money maker, also grinds my gears.

I feel like Chris Pratt’s facial expressions sum up everything. Like, “What is she saying? Why is this happening? You did what? I’m meant to be laughing but it isn’t really funny.”

She has made an almost-apology:

But it has more to do with the fact that people are mad at what she said than showing remorse for her actions or ignorance.

Plus what kind of celebrity makes formal apologies on Facebook? The social media platform for weird aunts and estranged cousins, that seems sincere.

welcome to me freaking put about ‘the walking dead’ #4

You know how I said these would be more regular? I lied. Don’t trust people on the internet folks.

I am behind so please no spoilers. If anyone says anything about ‘Hearts Still Beating’ I will end them. Okay.

Oh wow. I really haven’t talked about this show in a while. Everything about this show causes me pain. Honestly, I actually can’t deal with the struggle. This show makes me lose the ability to english.

Tara finally getting a feature episode was the best thing that had ever happened to me until I realised that she didn’t know that her girlfriend and the guy who saved her life and brought her to her now family are bothe dead. I don’t know what happened with senses in that sentence but I am too tired to fix it.

The Zombie Amazons were pretty cool but I am very worried for their safety. I feel as though they were put there to be expendable and that makes me concerned. Plus seeing those children with guns made me very afraid.

I am concerned by how much I smile when Negan is on screen. That man is so extra. Like chill out please it is simply the apocalypse friend.

Carl, my son. So much screen time. What a gift. “Small emo country boy tries to be big scary man-beast”, a new title for the show right there. Alternatively, “Eugene actually exceeds character expectations” or “Is it okay to be this attracted to Jesus?”.

I honestly will try to be more regular with these incoherent ramblings. I know that all 0 of you adore them.

Stay spicy my little children.